Christmas

Ho...Ho...Ho...!!! Its Christmas! --->okay,PAUSE<---

Yes i admit the fact that you can't celebrate other religions' celebration. There are ways of interpreting it. It could be. My family used to have quiet mixed origin and we used to appreciate/respect others' by visiting them when they invite us especially during the Chinese New Year and Christmas but NO Ho!Ho!Ho!, Santa and Christmas carol.

Showing a sign of respect and celebrating is two different meaning which will be differentiate by our course of action.

Last Tuesday was my group project meeting. CD made a Christmas agenda for fun and its cute i think. It just like changing our mood. And Al do bought Mince Pie and Ginger Beer like whats stated in the agenda. I bumped on PS on the way to the meeting and we chatted about the agenda, Christmas and etc. They are all in the Christmas mood.It was 10 days before Christmas,of course everyone is in the mood.

I do want to give them the cards.I'd always like this.And when the agenda was on, so thing are better since its like everyone were in the right mood for Christmas and cards things.

And in every cards i wrote iman, Quran 19:20 as my signature.

I hope someone will get me.or at least look for it. I prayed to Allah so that what i do is not offensive with Islamic teaching.and..alhamdulillah. this morning:

Al: Iman, in the card u wrote Quran 19:20 , what is that mean? I look up and its about Marry.
Me:Oo yeah.Its about Marry and Jesus.
Al: I never know that Quran too had a story about Marry.
Me: Yeah,we do. We do believe in Jesus.
Al: Do you also believe the story like the Christian does?
Me: Which story is it?I heard some different stories from my Christian friends.I don't know which is right.
CD who was drawing his circuit look up.Interested.
Al: Molested, no father...-->me:yeah..nodding and smiling<-- .. and he is God son
Me: Ah, no..we do believe that he was created without a father but the seed is from Heaven.He is one of our prophets--->CD: nod.yeah Jews too think Jesus as a prophet,not God<---
Al: I'm not religious.Its interesting to know that other religion celebrate Christmas but with different meaning. I thought Christian celebrate it because of he(Jesus) is Christian.
Me: nodding..smile"You are not religious?"
Al: No i'm not brought in a religious family. My mom sent me to a Christian school, i learn it from school.I used to do the reading for special occasion.I went to church when i was kid but not anymore.-->me with my interested face(i am)<--- That's why i don't get married while others does.(it seems like i'm right that he have a baby and..a gf who i cud say erm like a wife?)
CD: Most of us(Britain he mean) are not religious.I went to church when i was a kid, its like 6 times a year for special occasion. Majority American are.-->me:laugh."yeah Christian there are quite strong"<--
Al: Yeah.
CD: They are like 100 years behind us about this.-->ok,i laughed again<--
Al: Its great to know there are different faith. Good, its good to have a lot of faiths. ;)
*ok, i can't stand the conclusion.Its a bit funny.He meant, even though we(the world nation) have all the different faiths, but its still good.
Yeah, why should we have war? Religious war especially?Its ridiculous.

Actually i was like a bit too sleepy so i don't talk much. My voice still crack. I slept at 5am and forced myself to woke up early for the meeting.

Then when parted he wish a nice Christmas for CD and a good break for me and asked if i have other religious celebration coming during the break, so that he can give a celebration wish.

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Al grand dad is seriously ill.I had mistakenly gave him a condolence for a death. Woosh,what with me.but too many deaths happening around me. I don't know when is mine.Its scary to think about it too.It might not happen when u remember it, but it might happen when u r just forget it for a moment. Whilst a moment could mean a lot.

tapi yg peliknya, soal sakit makit ni org sini tak ambil port pun. Bila kawan ku berhuruf a tu kata atuknya sakit teruk, mcm takde sape peduli pun.maksud ku dak group aku la. Lain sungguh dgn budaya kita.

Sebenarnya aku ingat org yang tengok pasal ayat tu ialah p tapi tetiba a. sbb p mmg mengambil tahu.a ni mmg tak ambil port pasal agama.tapi sbnrnya, cd pn tahu. cuma dorg tak peduli dgn agama lain mahupun agama mereka sdri.

Cumanya, aku gembira when they are happy. Its getting better, semuanya dgn kuasa Tuhan.Alhamdulillah.

When I Was A Little Girl.....

Watching the video remind me of my lil bro age 2,Ikhlas. His name is Ikhlas. He is a quick learner, just teach him once and he could understand/memorize it. That's a kid mind, all clean and purify...

Sometimes he gave us goosebumps when he suddenly woke up from sleeping after hearing people performing Tarawikh in a mosque, raise his hand for dua, and tried to perform salah straight away.It was in car and we happen to pass by a mosque on the way to visit my grandmom. If you look at his expression, you'll be totally speechless and i felt like a thud in my heart. Like "Ya Allah, adik aku, ok tak ni?ke ada pape masuk dlm dia?" He was like a serious someone not age 2. After watching him, while heavily prayed that nothing is wrong, its from Him not from the satanic things, then me and my mom could talk. By that time, he already finished his prayer and dua, watched the mosque for the last time and continue sleeping.

Ummi/my mom: "Iman"
Me : "Ummi.Adik."
Ummi: "Itula...terkejut ummi.Meremang seluruh badan."
Me: "Iman pun....Ya Allah terkejut tadi" ..there are a lot to say to my mum, but i was not able to do so until we reach my grandmom's house. I was stunned and scared in a way, plus, i didn't perform tarawikh in mosque that night.I felt like a bit guilty.

It was normal to see Ikhlas perform prayer straight after adhan. He even called us to do so whenever he hear adhan and when we pass by a mosque. He normally throw a tantrum if we do not stop in the mosque to perform prayer.

I once left him in the van with my mom when we stopped in a mosque to perform Maghrib prayer. He cried and throw a big tantrum :"Adik wants to pray.Adik wants to pray..." He stopped when i bring he in. We(ikhlas,illiyyin and me) take wudu', well yeah he know how to do it, perfectly, alhamdulillah. Then prayed jemaah together.By that time, Imam already done.We stopped since we are on the way to go somewhere. He is good. He prayed as in a serious prayer.

Hmm...i just realize he is a serious kid.I do miss him and Illiyyin.

We are not a family who used to perform jemaah prayer together, and alhamdulillah he happen to like it naturally. And even pushed my dad to bring him to the mosque so that he can pray there...

His favorite song is Quran recitation and favorite tv programme is Adhan slot and anything Islamic like Mari Bertarannum. He will quickly pull out the earphone when i played other music and standstill when he hear Quran,its surah al-Baqarah, Yassin and some other surah in my laptop. I find it fascinating, because he naturally likes it. Its match his soul.

As for my lil sis, i need to train her to like it. To educate her.She is older,8 years old. She naturally loves music as in piono things. That kind of music. but she is good too. She got plenty of questions when we recited Al-Mathurat together.And we normally took ages to finish it.

We were reciting al-mathurat surah al-baqarah:255 and reach the part where its translated as, "Kepunyaan Allah apa yg ada di langit dan di bumi" and she asked: Kak Iman, who is Allah?How do you know Allah own langit and bumi?

I was like, Oh My God, what should i answer?and suddenly i remembered myself asking my dad plenty of questions about Aqidah when i was 4, my dad used to recite Quran translation to us.

Watching how innocent kids are, its a scary thought to imagine which path they will end up when they grow up. As we grew up, the dark spots lingering our heart.Its keep on increasing and increasing until it becomes dark. I used to do a lot of dzikrullah when i was small, perform night prayer with my grandmom every night( i still remember) and go to the surau to pray jemaah prayer almost every 5 time a day.

But look at me now!Am i good?No.I'm not. Do i always remember His names?No.I dont. Its fogged with a lot and a lot of issues in life.Even unnecessary things!Do i always woke up at night perform night prayer at 3am.Sleep again.Wokeup and go to the mosque for Fajr?No i dont. I dont!I dont do those things as frequently as i should. Even so, its so hard to do it as in its part of your need. You wants to do it but, you don't. You need a FORCE to do it!Its not natural anymore. Its like you are hungry and you need to eat, but its a hard work to make you go to the kitchen and eat!

God said, our amal will prevents us from doing the haram. Will one day, my amal wont be enough to prevent me from doing the haram?Will one day, i will totally lost and could not come back?Not even realize that the path is wrong. There were times when you were lost and you can feel that you are lost, and you prayed to go back and you find the path. But what if you dont even realize that u r actually lost?Or u know u r lost, its not the destination, and you are pretty happy to be there until the earth shake!And that's the END?

Nauzubillah.Nauzubillah.Nauzubillah.

As we aging, its become harder to be the OBEDIENT SLAVE to the ALMIGHTY, but we prefer to become a master instead. Master for ourselves. Indeed we are not.

***Anyway, from the observation, kids learn things ever since they are in the womb. When my mom pregnant to Ikhlas, she always had the earphone on her tummy playing Quran Recitation and often perform sunnah prayer at night and make dua for Him to protect the baby. In hadeeth 1 Imam Nawawi, in the explanation, when the angel came with white clothes and dark beard, its symbolism that knowledge should be seek since young.

My mum even said that when once pregnant, its hard to be an obedient muslimmah. Its the hormone, physical obstacles and etc. A time a go i dont understand why many pregnant women wear short Pregnant Dress(yg takat betis tu) and wear scarf?!Whats the heck isn't it?

Rupanya, there are women when they are pregnant, their body tend to feel very warm/hot.And thats explains their behaviour.



This video?Hmm i'm not sure about this one. I know the story, but i need more sources and deep thought before i say anything about it.But anyway, its a MashaAllah.Allah created him.

There is a lump in my heart.Something missing.Its a feeling between wants to rest and pushing yourself to work and a mixture of scary thought for what will happen but you can't do anything about it. Or you work to make it work but it did not.So is it give up?But i'm not give up.I want to try again it just that it still not working and i'm losing the clue....

Hmm lets admit that i'm being lazy but not able to accept the consequences of behaving like this.

"Why i should go trough this life?Why it happen to me?"
- Because Allah knows i can fit in the situation. If Allah do have confidence in me, that why don't i?
(Allah takkan menguji hambaNya sesuai dgn kemampuan mereka)

So many things we want in this life, but not all suit us better than what Allah had decided for us.He knows better.

There are many unanswered question in my head about the future, but after all I will work towards it because He told me to do so.--- Pray and He will grant you---

When he do the talking

Alhamdulillah segala puji bagi Allah Tuhan yg Maha Menjadikan Setiap Pelusuk Alam.

This knowledge sharing might be useful for you as it is for me. It remove my depression. Solved my life problems, and strengthen the soul to strive in this harsh world.

Every product have its manual, and this is part of our manual to keep on living happily.

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"I WAS NOT CREATED TO PLAY" : Iman Nawawi

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Mujahid said:

• Knowledge will never be gained by the one who is SHY or one who is ARROGANT.
• Must learn the importance of saying 'I don't know': Only someone with little knowledge and weak faith will feel shy to say 'I don't know'
  
• Must learn to overlook personal faults of his teacher
• Student should overlook harshness of teacher : Whoever cannot bear the humiliation of learning for an hour will remain ignorant for a life time.
  

4 Characteristics must be avoid:Jealousy, showing off, conceit, and arrogance.

There are rules in gaining knowledge. I seriously forgot about all these rules when i came here. UK is a place with equality, out spoken and teacher is not granted as much privilege. But somehow, it all get back to me.

Jealousy, Showing off, Conceit and Arrogance are the contributor for unhealthy way in gaining knowledge. For depression and unsatisfactory. Putting high expectation and aiming for appraisal will just make one frustrated.

WHAT IS THE MAIN AIM?

Its to gain knowledge. Its not to make an impression, but to understand things!Its okay to looks stupid, because where are here to learn. If we know everything, being here might be a mistake.

And from Hadeeth 1: Every actions are judged by motives(niyyah) .

One will get his/her intention but doesn't mean he/she will get His blessing.

So, why we study? Why are we striving for better?For excellence?

Hadeeth 2:

• Knowledge should be seek since young.
• Ibadah includes all thing which pleases Allah SWT including zahir & batin.Its a completion of LOVE with submission and humility. A beautiful, perfect, complete means of attributes.
• Ihsan: existance of purification and spirituality to perfect our belief and action. human is imperfect, but MUSLIM ALWAYS TRIES TO PERFECTING THEMSELVES.

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Some of my friends are not here anymore.Wish all of them much luck.

I want to talk about my group mate.Who happen to be very nice.Its Peter.Well Al and Chris are nice too.My SV is helpful but maybe that's the way he is, 'too honest'. I have the habit not to trouble anyone.So i rather stumble up alone than asking for their help which gave me trouble as i felt depress, and more depress as i sometimes could not catch up with their accent. Every time after the meeting i will feel like a hell. I'm now in the edge to feel either to fight back and prove that i'm worth more or i'm actually sinking to a deeper depression that makes me feel like giving up and just don't care.

I also hates the fact that i had been ignoring my other modules just to do the circuit.hoping for miracles/big progression.But it did not happen.

I also hate the fact that i feel totally alone.I don't know why my homesick is pretty worst this time, but if i just can get my little bro : ikhlas here, i will be more than happy. I felt weird for not having him around.Listening to his talk and playing with him.

Ok, going back to the person in subject, he seems to know the difficulty i'm having with the language. And he already put me the last to be the secretary and the 2nd as the Chair. He helped much, and pretty understanding. He is the one who always greet me.And tadi he text me telling about the canceled meeting and told me to ask him/them if i got any problem, at least they are less intimidating than that Mr.lol.that makes me smile.

But then, i hope i can be a bit warmer,as in replying to the good treatment someone gave me, but i don't. I am still in the position which i don't know what.I can't even smile. And i don't even greet him if we bump onto each others. And i think he starts to feel annoyed.But after all he is still kind.

SO I LIST MY ROOT OF THE PROBLEM:

- I am not good in circuit and i love to keep things to myself so that i don't trouble people.But by doing that i'm actually troubling myself more.

- i think a lot before i say something which actually makes people feel annoyed or maybe irritating. As if i don't bother or i actually a snob who hardly answer someone's question. Unresponsive.

- i got problem to catch up with their accent but i don't want to looks stupid to tell them:'sorry, erm i don't get it.Could you please say it again'. And i lost my interest to listen anymore.And i gave them the impression that i just don't care or i got no idea.

- I hardly talk what i suppose to talk about. I don't do what i want to do. My action often oppose my feeling. And i end up regretting. And depressing myself.

- It had been time i dont socialize. Which makes me feel weird to be surround with people.So i need to talk!Talk! and Talk!

SO THE SOLUTION I COULD DRAW OUT :

- I SHOULD NOT THINK BEFORE I DO SOMETHING! I should just say and do. So who cares if i keep on asking Dr Tozer? Why should i care if I keep on knocking his door asking about the circuit?

- I got an urgent need to talk and talk and talk in English but with whom?answer me.

- I need a BLESS from HIM. I HOPE he will help me.and i'm pretty happy that i have Him.

Project Saya:Saya Benci

Sleepy headed.

Got the meeting with SVs. The STone and Ken Mitchell.(ok, peralihan bahasa di sini).Aku pun tak tahu kenapala asyik dapat SV yang hampeh.I mean of course Mitchell tu baik but satu lagi ni the other way round. He is pretty helpful tapi sungguh honest.I mean i got the smack on the ass.I'll see him maybe later in this week and i was not very confident with what i'm saying and my head was not functioning very well.I was sleepy, up till now pun aku mmg sleepy.

Aku dah pun kena ada ,my own design, in this 2nd week.Which is mmg betul, dia sarankan buat dan belajar dari kesilapan.I should learn actually, even aku mmg tengah marah sebenarnya ni.But marah yg tak kuat sbb aku mmg mengantuk.

Ok,sekian.Next meeting is next week.Menyampah tapi try not to menyumpah(i did anyway, haha!)